Crazy & Deranged – Why Do We Ignore The Signs? Caffeine with F.J. Carter


I had the pleasure yesterday afternoon (10.2.11) of being a guest on the BlogTalk Radio Show Caffeine with F. J. Carter.  The show was entitled: “Trigger Happy 2 – Crazy and Deranged – Why Do We Ignore The Signs?”  Along with fellow guests Kenda Bell and Marlena Ann Russell, we discussed the nature of relationships, what makes them go off “the deep end,” and whether or not we can see the signs of a crazy mate before the relationship gets serious.

Listen to the archived show here.

It was a great conversation,  as the topics ranged from ways in which significant others manifest their “craziness,” the impact of our relationships with parents on our romantic relationships, self-awareness, communication issues and the impact of breakdowns in communication, domestic violence and more.  Although the hostess and guests continuously shared their wisdom on these subjects, the highlight of the show, for me, came when a caller shared her story.

The caller courageously spoke about being raped at a very young age, and then experiencing this violence again in life.  She also noted that these traumas have impacted her in that she now tends to look for men in relationships that she knows are not good for her.  We were all inspired when she claimed her victory there on the show by letting us all know that she would fight the demons brought on by her trauma and move on to a positive life  and impact on others.  We all applauded her courage and let her know that it is exactly that kind of determination and willingness to help others by sharing that makes her a survivor, and not a victim, as Kenda Bell so eloquently stated.

The show essentially ended when each guest gave their advice on how to approach new relationships so as to avoid the “crazy and deranged” potential mates out there.  Here was my advice:

1) You don’t need a relationship to be happy.  Find your happiness within so that you may truly share that happiness with another.

2) KNOW YOURSELF!  You must come into a relationship knowing which issues are negotiable for you, and which are NOT.

3) Do NOT compromise what is not negotiable.

4) COMMUNICATE what you’ve discovered to any potential mate.

5) If you see signs that your potential mate is “crazy and deranged,” ACT immediately.  Rule number one: if someone shows you who s/he is, believe him or her the FIRST time.

6) If the relationship EVER – even once – turns violent or threatens to, seek professional help immediately.  Do NOT try to figure it out on your own, and do NOT take on the responsibility of “changing” him or her.  That’s your mate’s job, and s/he may not want it.

I’d like to thank the hostess F.J. Carter for having me aboard, the other guests, and the callers and listeners who made it such a dynamic show.  Keep up the great work, and let’s keep talking, and keep HEALING.

Sound Off!

Broadcast Your Inner Champion


1 Response to "Crazy & Deranged – Why Do We Ignore The Signs? Caffeine with F.J. Carter"

  • Willie Nabors says:

    I agree with your rules of engagement, but I caution against the stereotypes of gender, age or race when addressing potential victims of relationship violence. Every culture has it in some form, so we can’t say “White girls just don’t fight back”. Twelve-year olds rape and beat eight-year olds with more regularity than I like to think about, just because that’s the behavior they observe at home. I know of a gentleman who was abused by his wife, to the point where she took a .44 Magnum, pressed it to his sternum, and shot him for saying he loved her. Warning signs? For all three scenarios, yes. The key is to acknowledge them whenever and however they appear. Emotions can be blinding, just like car headlights on a dark street. In both cases, that momentary blindness can kill.

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