The Wedding or The Marriage?


On Thursday, May 19, 2011, Caprice Smith of SharperMinds Consultants and I will present a community open forum entitled: “Who’s Buying The Cow?  Baby Daddy & Baby Mama vs. Mr. & Mrs.”  The flier with details can be seen on the Events page of this website.

When Caprice and I planned this particular forum, we knew it was going to be explosive.  With divorce rates over 33% for some segments of the American population, who’s buying the cow indeed?

Here’s a sample: (taken from

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America

Age Women Men
Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5%

See more information about divorce rates here.

What’s interesting to note is that the divorce rates are in some ways reflective of a changing culture and climate concerning marriage in America.  Where I grew up in The Bronx, I only knew ONE classmate that grew up with both parents in the home.  Needless to say, there are a myriad of issues at work here.  But what the question of this post is getting at is this: what impact does all of this have on our attitudes towards marriage/long-term relationships?  And what impact do our attitudes have on our children?

When I posted the question: “What’s more important, the wedding or the marriage?” on my Facebook and Twitter pages, the responses flowed in like water.  Almost all gave the quick response: “marriage.”  But when I pushed back by asking why then is so much time, energy and money spent on wedding ceremonies…the answers got a little HOT.  Some people talked about The Cinderella Syndrome, The Big Letdown (great ceremony, fantastic honeymoon…back to real life…and NOW WHAT?!), previous bad relationships/marriages, their relationship with God, their need to love self first, and some mentioned that marriage was NOT a life goal at all.

Clearly, there is no easy answer to the question of whether the wedding or the marriage is more important.  We all know what SOUNDS good to say.  But I don’t think we’d see divorce rates that we’re seeing now if the answer were as easy as all that.

Stay tuned for the forum!  This should be a good one.

So…what’s YOUR answer?

Sound Off!

Broadcast Your Inner Champion!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *